Father, forgive them...me

I sit here in my temporary office arrangement studying and reading up for tomorrow morning's message. In the other room, the sounds of a raucous crowd watching British Premier League Soccer floats through the cracked door (I can not help but think, "so great a cloud of witnesses..." Its that time of year when we lead up to Resurrection Sunday and the build up is full of imagery and emotion. Last week we looked into a bit about who God is...He is everything, really. Most of all, He is holy. It is amazing to me, that God, in His awesome Holiness, would stoop to do what He has done and does...for me. Unimaginable really...but that again, is God. As I look into the last hours of Jesus I am convicted. The first thing He says on the cross, while being tortured, humiliated, laughed at, spit on, and hanging in unbearable agony while being abandoned by almost everyone that had previously followed him was, "Father, forgive them..."

I don't know when the last time I prayed those words were. "Forgive them." To pray those words means two things. One, the one praying has already forgiven. Two, there is an absolute understanding that the ones being prayed for have sinned against God and the desire is for their forgiveness. Conviction weighs upon me as I write this down. Too many times I have correctly understood that someone or even a group has sinned against me, and I have railed against their thoughts and actions - justifiably so, but I have never prayed that they would be forgiven...truth is, I haven't forgiven them. How could I ask for God to forgive? How can I not forgive and truly desire for them to be forgiven?

At times, part of intercessory prayer is to ask for the transgressor's forgiveness, Jesus asked for forgiveness of those that were in the process of killing him...who are we to not forgive and ask for other's forgiveness by God? For other's to be forgiven, salvation has to come. I have asked for the salvation of those who have sinned against me...but it has been in arrogance. I prayed it out loud in a prayer born of anger because in my heart I thought, "no way can someone not need salvation who has sinned against me in such a manner." Arrogant prayer is worthless. So, I sit here convicted by God that my heart has been wrong.

Father, I ask forgiveness for this sin. I ask forgiveness for not being forgiving. I ask forgiveness for not forgiving those who have done me wrong. In the eternal it is so small. I ask forgiveness for having it take priority in my life as if it were bigger than God. I have been angry...really angry for so long, and I ask forgiveness for this. I ask forgiveness for speaking against those who have come against me because I have allowed it to consume me. I was consumed with me, not you. I am sorry.

I forgive those who have come after me, spoken against me, railed against me, and made life miserable for my family and me. I forgive you.

Father, forgive them...I ask.